Before my children were school-age, I began shopping for schools. I knew the type of environment I wanted for them but not where to find it. We interviewed several different schools in the area and each school I visited, I asked the same questions. One of those questions was, “How do you handle discipline?” It’s a loaded question, but I knew that when I asked it. Secretly, it was a test to see how well they handled the sensitive subject.

The River Academy had a well-considered, Biblical approach that aligned with what I wanted for my children. But, no matter how well-considered it was, I was still nervous to send my head-strong, creative, and sometimes too-extroverted child to a place that required so much structure at such a young age. I knew, in the long-run, that it would be good for him but trusting someone else to guide my child while I wasn’t around was nerve wracking!

My son was on the younger side and heading into the school year with a birthday at the end of summer. He instantly adored his school, his teacher, and his new audience (friends) and woke up each morning with an excitement to start the day that encouraged my heart as well.

“I remembered what that meant from my days in public school, when the whole class erupts into, “Ooooooooooh!” and you’re sent on a walk-of-shame to the office.”

Then came the day when he got his first note home, also known at TRA as an ‘Attention Grabber.’ The dreaded note home from the teacher. How could my little guy, a joy-bringer, loving and kind, have done something bad enough to need a note home? I cried on my drive home from after-school pick up. It felt like I had done something wrong. Did I not discipline my child well enough at home? Was my approach wrong? What kind of structure are they asking of these pre-K kids? So many questions went through my head and I began to doubt my choice in schools. Maybe they misunderstand my son. Maybe they’re too hard on him. Then I got the second Attention Grabber and the note that my 4 year old had been sent to talk with the Principal. I remembered what that meant from my days in public school, when the whole class erupts into, “Ooooooooooh!” and you’re sent on a walk-of-shame to the office.

That feeling of personal failure sat at the back of my mind until parent-teacher conferences, which was the first time I met with my son’s teacher one-on-one to have a more detailed conversation about what the struggle was. We talked about how sweet my son is, how intelligent his little mind is, and how he loves people and has a heart for entertaining and loving others. His teacher handed me a tissue as she and I teared up together because it was clear - she and I both loved him very much. I asked her more questions about what behavior she was seeing from him in class and I began to understand that, despite his infractions, he was exactly where he needed to be; a safe place where his teachers loved him and patiently, lovingly, biblically, helped him learn to take responsibility for his actions, learn from them, and grow past them.

The next year, and several Attention Grabbers and Principal meetings later, I witnessed something that opened my eyes as a parent, (and a serial perfectionist). My son’s Kindergarten teacher, after what I sensed was a very difficult day, brought out and disseminated a stack of Attention Grabbers to various parents. To my surprise, my son was not a recipient! How could this be? Other kids also struggled to pay attention, listen the first time every time, and follow directions? It wasn’t until that moment that I realized that I had been too hard on myself and that my son was struggling in a way that was entirely common for his gender and age-range.

Although I felt a wave of relief and understanding wash over me, I also realized in that moment, God was speaking to me and trying to remind me that we’re all sinners in need of correction at times, and that we need Him. No one is blameless but Jesus, and to find a school that understands that at its core and, then in their words and actions, pass that knowledge on to my child in a loving and patient way was so encouraging. Discipline is a complex issue and looks different to every child, to every family, but rest assured that The River Academy faculty and staff love our children like God loves us; unconditionally, with patience, with consequences, and with plenty of opportunities to learn and grow.

-Krista Kelly, TRA Parent and Visual Communications Coordinator

TRA Discipline: Correction with the Heart in Mind

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